i was once in the habit of sticking thumb tacs into my wooden leg. from thigh to ankle. i was spotted with dozen of them. like an abandoned bulletin board.

i once painted a blue stripe around my shin to make the leg look like a louisville slugger. i thought about burning "reggie jackson" onto my calf but figured i'd probably be pretty embarrassed explaining myself to my doctor.

p.s. there are tv shows designed to increase heart rate.